Woefully inadequate but upheld by grace. That’s the best description that I can come up with to describe my ability to hold the gifts that God has given – friends, family, writing, published books. What are the gifts that you hold?
If you’re like me, you want to fine tune it all. I work and rework and work again until my eye is satisfied with what I see. As a perfectionist, I try and try, but I’m never satisfied. Humbled, I’m reminded that perfection is unattainable. Perfection is a Person – Christ Jesus Himself. He alone knows perfection, and I recognize that I’m incapable of something that I will never possess. I become increasingly aware of my shortcomings, my failures. Broken and weary, I fall into grace again.
Have you ever felt that way? Like you have the power to control it all and make it work properly according to plan? Then a wrench comes flying like an eagle swooping its prey and you’re left unglued, trying to scoop up your plans and reassemble the broken parts. My default setting is control. It’s only when I malfunction that I remember grace.
Though something inside of me resists it, I rejoice in the Spirit of God that calls me to rest in grace’s gentle touch. Grace is such a beautiful thing. It’s an unmerited favor that cuts and heals simultaneously as it’s working. And each time it operates, I find myself closer to the point of defaulting to its help.
Jesus said, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” (Matthew 11:28-29, ESV). Performance and perfection are heavy. Striving to achieve the unachievable is a back-breaking task that never bears fruit.
To all my fellow perfectionists, I have some news: we’ll never “arrive.” We’ll never make it to the point of everything being “enough.” Thankfully, Jesus calls us simply to come. Come and lay it all down at the foot of the cross. Come and drink deeply of the Water of Life that refreshes rather than the water of performance that sucks dry. Come and offer Him our time, our talents, our energy. Come and let Him empower us to walk in the good works that He planned for us before the foundation of the world. Then just rest in the Holy Spirit. Partner with Him as He moves, serves, and loves. We’ll stumble along the way. He expects that; that’s why He came. We’ll fall back into a performance-driven mentality again that tells us we have to do more. He expects that; that’s why He came.
To all my fellow performers out there who want to have it all together: we’re going to fall short. We’ll disappoint people. We’ll say the wrong thing or do the wrong thing. We’ll be far from perfect, and we’ll fall apart again. But grace will be there to pick us up. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness’” (2 Corinthians 12:9, ESV).
It’s counterintuitive to boast in weakness when you’re a perfectionist, yet that’s where true freedom lies. Grace upon grace washes over us as we admit our inability to do it all, to handle it all, to achieve it all.
My friend, let me be the first to tell you that I am far from perfect. I struggle like you. I fall into wrong thinking like you. God sent His Son to die on the cross to bear the penalty for all of our insufficiencies. Now He offers us the free gift of eternal life in Christ Jesus, simply by believing in and calling upon His name. Thanks be to God!
So, I lay it all down again. I give it back to the One who gave me the gift in the first place. I acknowledge that I’m woefully inadequate. But I rejoice in God, my Savior. I’m woefully inadequate but I’m upheld by grace.